Lament #0001 - Internet relationships.

Internet relationships.

Yeah, if you're reading this, chances are you have them. But what exactly are they? How should we categorize them? Can we call them friendship? Can we call them more than friendship?

That depends, right? Right. Of course. What have you talked to them about? What have you learned about them; what have you shared to them about you; etc? Are your conversations casual, philosophical, tender, explicit? Is there something wrong with that?

There can be, yes. Now, hold on! Before anyone gets on the defensive, finish reading my lament.

Ahem.

In order to deal with this lament in a fairly concise manner, let's use the most commonly destructive, ever popular Internet relationship: Romance. How many times have you been hit on by some guy/girl you don't know?

Allow me to quote a statistic for you, found here.

"A 2002 IPSOS-Reid survey in North America claimed that 44% of respondents considered that people had a better chance of finding a partner online than in a singles bar (with 8% rating online services as equal to bars); 32% thought that an online relationship was likely to be more successful than one initiated in a singles bar. Tellingly, only 27% would however recommend online dating to their friends."

Why is it that while online dating is so successful, percentage-wise, only half of that percentage recommend it to their friends? Granted, this was in 2002, and the rest of the statistical article shows the progress made since, however, there's a very good argument against online dating versus the real life version. Good, and simple to boot.

PEOPLE CAN LIE.

Oh yes, they do that in real life, too. I'll grant you that. But if they are so easily able to do it in person, how much simpler, how more tempting is it to so do online? WHY NOT? I have before! Raise your hand if you have used a fake identity online at one time or another. Admit it, you've been tempted. And even if you're the small percentage who hasn't, that doesn't vouch for the rest of the Internet community. Seriously, who wants to fill out a Facebook page admitting their every flaw, every weakness, every truth? I sure don't. And that's fine--because the Internet at large doesn't need to know.

Except when dating is involved. Then, weaknesses should be known, don't you think?

Online dating is dangerous. Aside from the obvious ruses, such as fake facts and pictures (AKA stolen identities), there are darker lies; secretly married (but you don't have to know! It's only online, after all!) or worse. Nearly the entire world (which is big, you may recall) uses the Internet. Consider, if you will, how much crime is committed each day in the USA alone. Big numbers, right? Right. How many felons use the Internet? Are they gonna openly admit to having committed a felony when dating you online, when they know it ain't gonna impress? Not bloody likely, my friend.

"But my boy/girlfriend is different! I've talked to him/her on the phone!" "My other online friend knows him/her."" "I just know!" "My gut doesn't lie." "S/He's different."

Yeah, yeah. And, so, you're willing to take that risk--that huge risk--for someone whom you've never met, because the odds are somehow stacked in your favor? (I'd like to see you prove it.)

Internet relationships have worked in the past, I'll grant you. But how many more have failed, how many have ended in tears, or worse? There are warnings against meeting online people in real life for many reasons; dang good reasons; not the least of all being rape.

Not sold yet? How about we consider the "other side" of people. Think about all the people you know in real life. Parents, siblings, friends, associates, co-workers, peers, etc. Consider, if you will, how each of them knows you differently. How some know certain music you listen to, while another portion wouldn't dream that you listen to [insert name here]! Oh boy. You've a multi-faceted person. Aren't we all?

"So? Your point?"

So. My point: By viewing a person in their day-to-day life, over time, you come to see who they are. Not every aspect. (Let's face it; all relationships are risky to some degree.) But you can gradually see what they are like, how they react to real life as it proceeds around them. How are you supposed to do that with an online relationship? No matter how much you converse, there is only so much words can convey. What about feelings? Thoughts? Expressions?

The online world is a wonderful playground. You meet people; wonderful people! You interact, learn, compete. But things like Internet relationships are the leading causes of rape, crime, pornography, murder, theft and even a lack of social life "outside". Where have all the hours gone?

It isn't healthy, whether you plan to meet that "special" someone offline or not.

"But no one is interested in me offline!"

I recommend disconnecting for a while. Try a month (if you can manage it). Go out. Meet people--real people. The kind you can see. The kind who can see you for who you really are--because sometimes, whether we mean to or not, we adopt an online persona that really isn't our own. How fair is that to our online friends if we want it to be something deeper?

The best thing you can do for yourself is come to know yourself. Come to care about yourself. Then, real people can know you, and can come to love you. You want a meaningful relationship? Try life. That's a good one to start with.